Cool Kids Strike First

Tales of your glorious victories and bitter defeats

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Kholdaimon
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (2)

Postby Kholdaimon » Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:20 pm

I walked away from the table when Bobo moved the archers up, I was afraid I would influence the game with my facial and bodily expression of disbelief...

I especially like the mistake with the first eagle, having a plan to hold and redirect but then changing your mind 3 minutes later, it happens frequently to me and I wonder when I will stop doing that... :P

Warlord Ghazak Gazhkull wrote:Great read, don't worry about doing stupid things I lost my two mages saturday because of the ring of hotek while I knew it was there, I guessed I wouldn't throw any doubles.


In the ESC my first opponent had brought DE (which I was playing with first battle against my WoC) and he forgot he had put the Ring of Hotek in his own army list, causing a miscast. Twice...

My latest and most memorable brainfart was on the 2nd day of the ESC where I played with Christopher "Skeletor" Wilcox' Dwarves in the first round of the day. Having slept 3 or so hours and having played 6 games of warhammer the day before I was pretty messed up. During deployment I decided I wanted to have atleast 3 rounds of shooting on the WoC knights, so staying 28+" away, since at that moment 12 minus 4 equaled 10 to me I proceeded to deploy just behind the 10" line...

Christiaan

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Bobo the Vampire Monkey
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (2)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:56 am

Interlude #3 – Luck of the Irish

There are certain characters that tend to crop up at wargaming tournaments, and the ETC is no different. Without a doubt one of the more memorable would have to be Alan “Woody” Woods-Conway, the cheery drunken Irishman famous for his debut last year where he finished the tournament wearing nothing but his nipple rings and a toga fashioned from the Irish flag. This year took a similar course…

Image

There’s not really much else to tell, except that he introduced himself to me by way of gingerly touching my left buttock. You would be horrified to know the amount of times this has happened to me at tournaments, and has resulted in me recently cutting off all my hair in an attempt to make it more difficult for the large scary men to imagine that I am a member of the opposite gender when viewed from behind.


I'm afraid you won't be getting a proper game report from me tonight. It's my birthday, I've caught a cold, the dog ate my homework, and I have to spend the rest of the evening sharpening pencils and later wax the cat's moustache. I've also heard about some new phenomenon called sleep, but I presume that's just for hippies and children.

Bobo

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (2)

Postby dafruk » Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:59 am

Bobo the Vampire Monkey wrote:There’s not really much else to tell, except that he introduced himself to me by way of gingerly touching my left buttock. You would be horrified to know the amount of times this has happened to me at tournaments, and has resulted in me recently cutting off all my hair in an attempt to make it more difficult for the large scary men to imagine that I am a member of the opposite gender when viewed from behind.


You do realise he does it more if he actually knows you're a man? I was on the table next to him for the Scottish vs Irish round and felt his gentle touch on many an occassion. Oh and also I should point out I was wearing a kilt so that was straight flesh on flesh for me. I was surprised at how smooth his hands were.

The only way to make him stop is to join in. So in future rather than protesting just reach back yourself and give him a quick squeeze, maybe pull him in tighter and enjoy the moment. He'll then realise you're a dirty tease and you'll lose your appeal to him, he only likes a challenge, that or he'll invite you to join him in the toilets to suck him off but either works really. Eventually I ended up showing hiim my nutsack which seemed sufficient that he left me be to get blind drunk with my opponent for the last couple of turns.

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (2)

Postby Overhamsteren » Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:22 pm

What was this thread about again? :smt100
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Bobo the Vampire Monkey
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (2)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:26 pm

Chapter Three: ‘….I wanted to be….a lumberjack!’
Phil – Dogs of War


For anyone who doesn’t understand the title, you really need to watch this video.

So, for the final round of day 1 we were drawn against the Canadians, who were also having their first year at the ETC. I was pitted against the Dogs of War, and when I saw my opponent’s army list I thought I had a very good chance of winning the game.

Mercenary General: cavalry kit, whizzbangs and whotsits
Paymaster: cavalry kit, bowler’s hat
Wizard: level 2, Dispel Scroll, clone machine
Wizard: level 2, Dispel Scroll, a sense of deja vu

9 Duellists: pistols, champion, pistols, codpieces (with stuffing), more pistols
12 Norse Marauders: anger management issues
20 Beorg Bearstruck’ Bearmen (or whatever): bear stuff
6 Mediumish Cavalry: lances, shields, horsies, heavy armour, body odour
3 Maneaters: brace of handguns, predictable theme song
3 Maneaters: brace of handguns, the same theme song, a lack of imagination
Cannon: high ambition, little ability
3 “Small” Rhinox Riders


Dogs of War having a reputation for being a bit naff, but I know from watching friends Loke and M.Biggs that with 2600pts and a 20% loss reduction, they can do some very unpleasant things. Fortunately for me Phil’s list did not include the things that would usually put the fear into me, namely the Dragonlord, Manflayers, loads of Crossbowmen, and orange marmalade. Ugh, orange marmalade - that stuff is my kryptonite. On the other hand, I had very little experience when it came to dealing with Rhinox Riders (big, little or in-between), so in their case I decided to rule on the side of caution and not engage them at all, delaying them if possible and letting them kill what they wanted (hopefully not everything, obviously).

I’ve just had an idea, and don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. The German organisational team behind the ETC in the past two years were generous enough to create maps showing examples of what the terrain on the tables would be like so that players could practice on them. I happen to have these on file. Below is a the showing what the terrain of the battlefield was meant to look like for this game. I won the roll off and chose the south side, mainly because I seem to be one of the few people in the world to understand how to abuse the rules for buildings to their limit. It’s a skill I’m proud of.

Image

And what it actually looked like:

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What you see above is the result of my first turn. I knew early on that the Maneaters would be my biggest concern, so they immediately became the prime targets for my shooting. Combined fire saw the leftmost unit reduced to one model, while on the far right the unit in front of the Medium Cav lost a single ogre. The remnants of both units were finished in off in the subsequent turn, for the return fire losses of only a few Archers.

Phil surprised me somewhat by joining his Mercenary General and Paymaster to the Rhinox Riders. The surprise came not from that it was a massive tactical blunder (realistically it made them very difficult for me to get at without risking the dragon) but simply because I didn’t know things could join them! Regardless my plan remained the same, figuring I would concentrate on cleaning up the periphery and dealing with the Rhinox if time and resources allowed for it.

One thing I could get at was the wizards, who had decided that the Norse Marauders were ideal bunker units to hide from the dragon’s terror in. I didn’t bother myself with this, content with flaming them and shooting the poop out of them instead. The smaller Marauder unit was eliminated very quickly, with the second wizard sheltering in the Bearmen. Elsewhere things were going swimmingly – I’d not lost any points yet and had eliminated what I felt were priority targets in Phil’s army. The Medium Cav were threatening my right flank Archers, but were delayed slightly by a timely panic test.

In the centre (or at least, to begin with), my Phoenix Guard (with both Mages, who were back to their trusted Heavens magic) saw the Rhinox deployed opposite and immediately began making a beeline* for my left board corner. No amount of 4+ ward saves, swishy headdresses or furious sign language was going to make that prospect any more favourable!

By this stage I was starting to feel a bit guilty, as I often do during a one sided game. So, in the name of entertainment and giving my opponent somewhat more of an experience, I committed the dragon into the front of the untouched Bearmen. I knew it wasn’t really the most optimal course of action, especially since it would be denying all my left flank shooting their only target, but it seemed like a laugh. I was unsure whether or not to place the dragon in base contact with Beorg, the weird champion dude (the unit was wide enough that I could avoid him if I wanted). I’d never faced the Regiment of Renown before so wasn’t really sure just how hard they were. I asked my opponent if he thought the dragon would beat Beorg in a challenge. He thought yes, citing only S5 and T5, but unfortunately forgot to mention the five wounds and 4+ ward save! That was a shaky break test for Mr Elf Lord and Fluffy!

Next round I did manage to finish the job on the silly bear creature, and the round after that 15 White Lions piled into the Marauders’ flank and made sure the job was well and truly done.

On the far right the Medium Cavalry had made a sufficient number of armour saves to reach combat with an Archer unit, where they eventually broke and ran down my elves. I probably could have done some shady manoeuvres in order to save the Archers from being charged (again, utilising the building), but Phil seemed like a nice enough guy who was already suffering enough at my hands so I just let it play out.

Oh, and then there was that other thing that happened.

I believe in dice gods. We talk and joke about them like they’re not real, but I know they’re watching. I have a small shrine out in the back garden where I regularly pay homage to them. I don’t imagine them like the new agey religions’ gods: all-powerful, omnipotent and utterly merciless. I like to think of them more along the lines of the old Greek gods, Poseidon and Hades and all the rest, with an air of pettiness and vanity and maybe just a little incest (things were always going to devolve once Daddy Zeus went around disguised as half the animals on board Noah’s Ark and shagging anything that moved). The dice gods are as follows: Ordini, Inuuet, Pakku, Spluzjoni. Together the four of them dictate the lines of fate that us mortals walk (roll) along. They are constantly vying for control, trying to alter reality to suit each of their desires. Ordini is the oldest and strongest, and manages to stave off the others’ attempts to seize power most of the time. He maintains a peaceable balance in the world of six-sided fate cubes and ensures that nothing goes awry. Every once in a while though, one of the others manages to wrest control away from him. Inuuet is a mischievous sprite, she loves to meddle in the affairs of humans and cherishes the moments when we grow through the peril she presents us with. Pakku is similar, though he enjoys watching us scramble for different reasons: if he were a human child he would be the kind to fry ants with his magnifying glass or pull one wing off a fly and watch it buzz around on the floor for a while. He relishes the scent of our panic and our fear as events slip out of our control. Lastly is Spluzjoni, the enigma. His motives cannot be comprehended by our pea-like brains. All we can know is that he revels in chaos. He’s the kind of guy who loves watching things explode, collapse, burn, sink, crumble, electrocute, break, splatter, shrivel, and combust. He also likes Stone Sour and Salma Hayek, but that’s neither here nor there. When your wizard lord explodes, your Snotling kills a dragon or your Warp Lightning Cannon accidentally shoots your Grey Seer from 48” away, you can know for certain that Spluzjoni is in control.

By turn 5 Phil’s Rhinox Riders (with general and Paymaster) had dallied around a bit, killed an Eagle and run down a bolt thrower. My remaining bolt thrower, with nothing better to shoot at, figured “what the hell” and fired a single bolt at the Rhinox unit. It hit. It randomised. Onto the Paymaster. It wounded. It multiplied into 2 wounds. And killed him.

Someone else can crunch the numbers on that, but it certainly felt a bit jammy at the time!

The rest was fairly elementary, mopping up the Duellists and Cannon in the last turns while keeping the heck away from the Rhinox. Game over.

Somewhere in the background Spluzjoni was cackling.


Result: 20-0 Win.

The game result was pretty much sewn up in the first couple of turns, but shooting the Paymaster straight out of the unit like that sure felt cheeky and a wee bit rude.


Next up, we have a brief intermission for some Saturday night shenanigans, before I play against Scotland’s Vampire Counts player. The game will feature another docile mistake by me, some cowardly White Lions, some overachieving Black Knights, and a Varghulf who wished he’d brought his raincoat. Oh, and pie. Lots and lots of pie.

Blargh.

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kOOn
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby kOOn » Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:46 am

That story about the dicegods was awesome =D>

Managed to get the suspense really high, I managed to not look down at the final result and thus having the pleasure of dreading what would happen to Your dragon :oops:

That paymaster rule should about panic should have been ditched years ago.

Kim
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby Warlord Ghazak Gazhkull » Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:32 am

Great read, I also liked the part about the dice gods =D> .

Cheers,
G
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby RaZeR » Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:46 am

Awesome :)
Always nice to get back from holiday and find a load of bobo report waiting :)
Get on with the rest now! :P
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Xtapl wrote:How are goblins going to throw a fanatic high enough into the air to hit an eagle?

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Bobo the Vampire Monkey
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:18 pm

Interlude #4 – F*ck Yeah!

Every year there’s a new and exciting team at the ETC, with patriotism blazing from their orifices and spangly uniforms blinding unsuspecting hedgehogs. Last year it was Australia, with their “true blue” accents, their wombat mascot and their go-get-em attitudes. This year it had to be team USA. No offence to the other new teams, but these guys had it going on, y’know what I’m sayin? Every piece of merchandise or clothing was practically bleeding with those red, white and blue colours. Jordan Braun was even decked out in a full Captain America outfit, replete with shield and mask (thankfully no spandex).

Image

I already knew a couple of the Americans from the internetz. Jarrett Messing is a fellow battle reporter and Lizardmen player, while Arash (“darkishmagi”) shares my love for Italian cuisine, Spanish wine, French cheese, and cheap Vietnamese hookers.

I got to hang out quite a bit with the boys in blue during the ETC, including dinner at a local German café/restaurant/bar/thingy and a quick and very mistaken visit to a downtown brothel (we left very quickly when we realised how much they were going to charge us to just drink there and not engage the services of their staff – you can tell where our priorities were at!).

Anyway, after chatting with the “yanks” for a while I finally got roped into making a light-hearted promise to visit the States at some point in the future, which I must say I’m quite excited about. I also managed to steal Alex's (Sergrum's) shirt, though I'm finding it difficult to find an excuse to wear it in a country that isn't America!

But enough tales about actually having fun. I had 3 games to go and lots of points denial and shooting to get done. Back to the action.

greenskinpower

Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby greenskinpower » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:26 pm

So glad my eyes are closed :mrgreen:

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Bobo the Vampire Monkey
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:34 pm

greenskinpower wrote:So glad my eyes are closed :mrgreen:

I think you look like this guy:


Image

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (3)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:25 am

Chapter Four: A little drool never hurt anyone
Falk – Vampire Counts


Vampire Lord: Dread Knight, level 3, Book of Arkhan, Balefire Spike, Crown of the Damned, certified drama queen
Vampire: Dread Knight, Hatred, Dispel Scroll, Dispel Scroll, likes punk music
Vampire: Dread Knight, Hatred, BSB, prefers classical
Necromancer: 2 spells (the good ones), Power Stone

21 Zombies: (Want: brains. Will trade: other.)
10 Ghouls: what hump?
10 Ghouls: rubix cubes
5 Dire Wolves: ‘point!’ (people who have seen ‘Up’ should understand this)
5 Black Knights: barding
5 Black Knights: daisy chains
20 Grave Guard: full command, War Banner, literally bad to the bone
Varghulf: strange resemblance to Anthony Hopkins
1 Banshee & 4 Wraiths: air guitars


For round 4 of the tournament New Zealand got paired against Scotland, and I was drawn against their German ringer player Falk. In case you weren’t aware, I tend to take my Warhammer far too seriously to drink booze while playing, and I quickly learned that Falk didn’t drink much at all. This made us the only table in the round not drinking, since the Scottish team had brought with them a horse and wagon worth of whiskey and were spending the weekend glugging it all away with their opponents. AndyP was playing next to me, and considering it was about 9:30 in the morning I was quite impressed with the bronzed gleam in his eyes.

But on to business.

Image

Image


I was a bit unsure how to handle Falk’s army. He deployed all three of his Vampire characters in the Grave Guard, which meant that a suicide run with the dragon to assassinate the Vamp Lord was highly inadvisable – against Ghouls he at least has a chance of sticking around for a while. This meant I had to turn to the usual plan of action – shoot away the periphery, circle around, feed the main deathstar unit some speedbumps, and go for a minor win or draw.

This plan began well with my left flank shooting decimating the Dire Wolves and the first unit of Ghouls. The second unit of Ghouls were next on the menu, but their position – slightly obscured by the forest and right behind the Grave Guard – made them a difficult prospect for my shooting to get at. The dragon, on the other hand, had a brilliant opportunity to charge them. Falk hadn’t raised any extra Ghouls into the unit, and there was no champion to challenge me and protect him from crumbling. Furthermore I had a great overrun opportunity into the rear of the Grave Guard (who I’d discovered didn’t have Regeneration). So I declared the charge. Unfortunately this is were I got a bit absent minded and lazy, and figuring that the positioning didn’t make a difference (and not being bothered to reach across the table) I asked my opponent to move the dragon into combat for me. If I’d thought about it a bit I would have made sure to avoid base contact with the Necromancer who was in the unit, since – predictably – he challenged me and saved the unit from crumbling. The Grave Guard reformed to face the dragon, and I had to use all of my Scrolls to stop the Van Hels attempt from going through. This didn’t save the dragon though – all it meant was that I could finish off the Ghouls and then flee the charge when it came next turn. Fortunately I got away (that would have been embarrassing) and rallied, and thanks to a brave Eagle’s sacrifice I managed to slow down the Black Knights and Grave Guard sufficiently for the dragon to swoop away into the sunset.

On the right flank, the White Lions had failed a turn 1 panic test (Gaze of Nagash) despite using their Gem of Courage and had fecked off back into my deployment zone, while my second Eagle also failed terror and flew around in circles shrieking like a budgie instead of protecting the bolt throwers from Falk’s second Black Knight unit. Speaking of which, I just couldn’t bring those guys down. They didn’t even have barding, but despite all of my available magic and shooting being brought to bear on them I just couldn’t get rid of them. I’d gone for Light magic on both Mages (a bit cliché, but hey ho), but couldn’t seem to get a spell off, while the bolt throwers themselves were having a nightmare time trying to wound and were both cleaned up in a single turn by a sneaky tactical charge from the four remaining Knights. Beside this the Wraiths were completely untouched as well and carved their way through some Archers like a hot knife through a leper.

Image

My second Archer unit jumped into the building and tried fruitlessly (no fruit here, boss, no way no how) to reduce the Zombies to half strength, while I somehow managed to entice Falk into charging the Varghulf into the 12 remaining White Lions who went all Van Helsing on his bottom and then ran off to contest a board quarter.

On the left things were much less cheery. I still couldn’t seem to drop those damn Black Knights (though this was hardly surprising, considering I’d been reduced to shooting them with a single nervous unit of Archers and some nonchalant but bored Shadow Warriors). It was late game by this stage and my opponent, feeling points pressure, despatched all three of his characters from the Grave Guard to try and clean up a few of my units. It looked like he was going to get away with it too – with the Wraiths cordoning off my escape route to the right, the board edge to the left, and my magic and shooting still waiting to be fall under the category of ‘impressive’ I was going to struggle to deal with three tooled up Vampires. I fiddled around with my units for a while, but no matter how I positioned them it looked like the Vampires had all the options and all I could do was try and minimize damage. I managed to set it up so that the Mages wouldn’t be killed, but the Vamp Lord was looking like he was going to charge and destroy a unit of Archers.

Of course, then Falk rolled an 11 for his Stupidity test and stumbled forward 3.5”, exposing the Vampire Lord’s flank to the Star Dragon. I charged in, of course, and half expected to lose the Prince in combat. But Falk grudgingly revealed the presence of the Balefire Spike which meant I was completely safe from any return attacks. Two wounds got through the Vamp Lord’s armour and he lost by four, crumbling. The following crumble tests saw the Wraiths and Grave Guard untouched but both Black Knight units and the Zombies completely disintegrate. The Shadow Warriors finally managed to get their shizzle together and hot a wound off one of the hero Vamps, making the game a:

Result: 17-3 Win.

I felt a bit sorry for Falk, since he played better much than the final result indicates. A bad bit of luck plus an initial mistake in the army list building stage (I do not think the Crown is ever worth including) meant that I turned what was looking into a tense draw into a crushing victory. I was glad to see that the Wraiths didn’t come chasing after my dragon, since I’m not sure I would have been able to play well enough to avoid them.

Next up is Finland, where I face an army that’s eerily similar to mine, get a burny surprise, and possibly even get swept off my feet...

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Warlord Ghazak Gazhkull » Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:02 am

Great read like always bobo:), I'm looking forward to the next part.

Cheers,
G
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Comrade Igor* » Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:24 am

Whenever i click this thread now The Nipple greets me. It's unavoidable. I try to scroll quickly but i still catch a glimpse every time. It's like those nightmares you have when you are running from something but never get away.. and then it catches you!

Quick post more so we get to page 3!!
Where there's a Whip there's a Way

Zechs

Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Zechs » Fri Sep 24, 2010 1:34 pm

Just open the thread, go to page 2, then press the End button and you'll be safe from your own homophobia. :)

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:53 pm

Interlude #5 – Chicks dig the Bobo

Image

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Vivi » Sun Sep 26, 2010 12:21 am

Not Bad, nearly half of them look doable :lol:
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Haplo » Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:34 am

:lol: Look at the one with a hand under your crotch and the funny look on her face :lol:
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Zechs » Sun Sep 26, 2010 4:04 pm

By almost half you mean what? 1.5 of 'em ? :lol:

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Vivi » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:04 pm

They're are 8 in the picture, I think 2 of them are and I'm giving the ginger at the back the benefit of the doubt :)
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Zechs

Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Zechs » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:15 pm

Man I burst in laughter every time I look at that.

edit:Couldn't resist...
Image

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Overhamsteren » Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:18 pm

Nerds being picky about girls on TheWarhammerForum. \:D/
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Kasbark » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:59 pm

I was thinking that too...


And we demand an update Bobo!

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (4)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:41 am

Chapter Five: ‘Well, this is a bit surreal.’
Marko – High Elves


Remember how I said that I studied a bunch of the successful High Elf lists from the previous year to try and figure out what the heck was useful? Well, the Finnish list was one of the prime suspects in my quest for knowledge and I pondered long and hard to try and decipher the finer nuances of the list. I liked a great many things about Marko’s army and it’s fairly obvious that his list was a great inspiration when it came to writing mine. However, the Dragon Princes were one unit that I could never get my head around, so I was interested to see how he was going to utilise them. It was quite fun for me to get matched up against Marko, even if I thought he was going to smash me!

Prince: Star Dragon, Reaver Bow, dragon armour, shield, lance, Radiant Gem, Jewel of the Dusk, purple eyeliner
Mage: level 2, Ring of Fury, Silver Wand, low carb diet
Mage: level 2, Seerstaff, Dispel Scroll, a talent for fine wines

10 Archers: musician
10 Archers: musician
10 Archers: complaint forms about not getting a musician
16 White Lions: full command, Skeinsliver, Banner of Balance, stain remover
6 Dragon Princes: a whole lotta hope
5 Shadow Warriors: sawn-off shotguns, balaclavas and good alibis
Repeater Bolt Thrower: cake
Repeater Bolt Thrower: and eat it too
Great Eagle: cool flying goggles
Great Eagle: harmonica


I went for double Beasts magic again, knowing full well that a single turn of one person’s dragon could be the difference between a win and a loss. I saw the game evolving very much as a trading off of shooting units, a delaying game of magic, while the dragons ran around and breathed on things or mauled units which wouldn’t take them out of the game for too long.

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Deployment was a very cagey affair, with both of us well aware that too much shooting brought to bear on any of our fragile units would see them disappear in a hurry. Equally I didn’t fancy a straight White Lion vs White Lion fight since I hate dice-offs and always prefer to stack the odds in my favour. In the end I deployed the Phoenix Guard on the far left and the White Lions on the far right, meaning Marko’s dragon had a lot of leg (wing) work ahead of it if it wanted to take them both out. My Mages left themselves either option to join until we saw where the enemy dragon was going, at which point we went as far away from it as physically possible. My own dragon was deployed out of sight of Marko’s bolt throwers – even though I know it’s not an ideal target for them a single lucky shot can really influence the latter half of the game since my dragon won’t want to fight his any more.

Marko’s Mages had gone for Beasts and High magic, with the goals of Cowering my dragon and making it harder for me to Cower his using Drain Magic.

Marko got the first turn and his dragon leapt forward to take (hard) cover behind the large obelisk in front of it. This was the first game I found out that having most of your model obscured by such an object incurred a -2 to hit penalty, and my bolt throwers were none too happy about that. The dragon was looking directly at the Phoenix Guard and one of my bolt throwers. The Phoenix Guard were able to perform a very long wheel and get out of sight, at least for this turn, which left the bolt thrower a choice between moving out of sight, not shooting, and probably being breathed to death next turn, or sucking up the pain and taking a shot at the dragon, most likely being charged and killed next turn.

The decision was made a lot easier for me when Marko’s Prince revealed his rather unusual combination of magic items, which told me the best save he could have was a 4+ armour! That meant that both my bolt throwers opened up on him in the vain hope of scoring some easy points from the enemy elf lord, and between them managed a total of 1 unsaved wound. No points yet, but it was a start.

Less cheerful was the situation in the middle of the table. Deployment here had resulted in Marko with 3 Archer units, 2 bolt throwers and 5 Shadow Warriors facing off against my 2 Archer units and 2 bolt throwers. When he got the first turn and reduced the number of Archer units on my side by one, it looked like he was probably going to win the shooting fight. I immediately knew I was going to have to play a lot more aggressively if I wanted to get anything out of the game, which meant pushing my dragon forward and doing my best to get to grips with the enemy using my breath weapon and 2x Wolf Hunts spells. Unfortunately Marko Irresistibled a Beast Cowers on my dragon in the first turn too, seriously limiting my options!

When I was a young boy I decided it would be a good idea to drink the red liquid contents of the lava lamp in my bedroom. This has had a profound effect on me in my adult life, and now every time I feel stressed or under pressure my extremities tend to glow a very distinctive maroon. And boy were they glowing now!

Marko had already made his first Eagle sacrifice, shoving it right next to my White Lions to marchblock them and try and tempt them away from the vulnerable Dragon Princes opposite. I would have none of it, ignoring the feathered pest and pressing forward at the cavalry. I forgot to move my Shadow Warriors out to shoot at it, but Marko generously let me go back and do it, which resulted in two wounds being inflicted on the birdie. The nearby Archers finished it off, while beside them the two Mages pressed themselves up against the obelisk in my deployment zone and feverishly hoped the enemy forgot they were there while they tried to work their spells from afar.

My return fire in the centre was fairly lacklustre, killing a couple of Archers.

In response Marko’s dragon ate my bolt thrower and his hammered away my second Archer unit on that flank. The Phoenix Guard suddenly felt very lonely...

On the far right the Dragon Princes realised their bluff had been called and began to back away, but now it was my turn for a Beast Cowers and they were pinned in place long enough for my White Lions to chase them off the table. Marko’s White Lions, meanwhile, were sheltering his High mage and trying to limit the landing zones of my dragon. In turn 3 the Mage whipped out a very sneaky (very patient!) Ring of Fury that I hadn’t been expecting, and I was forced to use a Dispel Scroll to save my Shadow Warriors from a crispy death. Mmm, crispy death.

Thanks to a Wolf Hunts spell my dragon chased off one unit of Archers in the centre in turn 2, which panicked a second unit. One of them failed to rally and ran off the table, which helped a great deal. Even with my dragon in short range Marko knew it was a fairly fruitless effort to shoot it with his bolt throwers, and the one turn he did try (and expectedly fail to harm it) he did so because there were no other good targets (Phoenix Guard at long range who were about to be rear charged by his dragon or Shadow Warriors at long range in a wood – take your pick). Unfortunately my dragon had somehow managed to end up in a position where both of Marko’s bolt throwers were out of its charge arc, and when Marko’s remaining Eagle ran the gauntlet and eliminated my second bolt thrower, I could sense my number was up.

I needed to try something desperate, so my dragon ignored the shooting units and landed next to the enemy White Lions’ flank. Marko seemed unconcerned, moving his champion to the flank to challenge me out and flying his own dragon to flank charge mine after he held the charge. Unfortunately for my opponent he then suffered a miscast which gave me a free spell. That’ll be a Wolf Hunts on my dragon into the flank of the White Lions, please. His Mage in the unit then also miscast, inflicting a S6 hit to himself and all of his friends nearby – including the White Lion champion. This meant that my dragon and rider were free to rampage through the rank and file, killing about 7 or so. They held, but there was no friendly dragon support coming in because the enemy elves were only packing one Scroll (long gone by now) and I had two Beast Cowers spells. Next turn I broke the White Lions and ran them down.

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The turn after Marko’s dragon flew over and killed all my Shadow Warriors, but in return my Reaver Bow shot another wound off his elf lord, reducing him to half points. In retribution his bolt throwers opened up on my Mages’ Archer bunker, decimating them and allowing the dragon breath and Reaver Bow to kill a Mage in the last turn.

Things were looking incredibly tight on points, but I still felt like Marko was decimating me thanks to his two bolt throwers just consistently hammering away. I was also forced to consider the matter of table quarters – I currently had only my White Lions and dragon that could claim/contest, while Marko still had his dragon, two units of Archers and a Shadow Warrior unit camped out in the far corner all smoking cigars and waxing their moustaches.

My dragon did manage to eliminate both enemy bolt throwers by the end, but gosh darn it was a close run thing. The final scores were me 1594VP to Marko’s 1440VP – a difference of 154. With a difference of 151pts needed for the smallest of wins, I had eeked it out by a miniscule 3pts!

Result: 11-9 Win.


Not sure I really deserved to win this one to be honest. Marko played a superbly controlled game of Warhammer and it felt like he was writing my script the entire time. In chess there’s a term called Zugzwang, which is basically a scenario where you opponent presents you with a multitude of bad options, and all you can do is choose the least bad one. This game felt a lot like that, and with Marko’s early (and constant) shooting advantage I thought I was a goner. Still, with a few unfortunate miscasts on his part (five in three turns, to be exact) I managed to capitalise at just the right moment and sneak away with what I felt was a slightly ill deserved victory. Not that I’m ever one to shun victory!
I'm not sure if Marko will ever get the chance to read this, but if you do mate it was a pleasure playing you and a very educational experience! Good luck with your new life in Holland!


Only one chapter to go now – the big round 6 finale. The last game will feature Greeks, déjà vu, more dragons, freak accidents, and several instances of maroon glowing extremities.

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (5)

Postby grantmepower » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:08 am

Love your reports! It's great to see high elves played to their full potential of pansieness :P

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Warlord Ghazak Gazhkull
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (5)

Postby Warlord Ghazak Gazhkull » Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:49 am

Nice report like &always bobo:)

Cheers,
G
The only good stunty is a dead stunty

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (5)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:42 pm

Chapter Six: Like some kind of déjà vu...
Konstantinos – Dogs of War


So for the final round we were drawn against Greece, a friendly but intense looking group of men if I ever did see one. ;) Half the team seemed to be named Konstantinos, and I was drawn against one of these, again using Dogs of War. Remember those things that I was afraid of in a Dogs of War army? He had them all.


Big Wizard: level 4, pegasus, Dispel Scroll, Dispel Scroll, Power Stone, camouflage gear
Little Wizard: level 2, Dispel Scroll, hopes of promotion
Paymaster: cavalry kit, massive target on his chest
Asarnil the Dwagonlowd: nervous around girls

10 Crossbowmen
10 Crossbowmen
10 Crossbowmen
9 Duellists: pop-rockets
9 Duellists: baritone
5 Light Cavalry
5 Light Cavalry
5 Light Cavalry
10 Manly Mengil’s Muthereffin Manhide Manflayers
Cannon
3 Big Daddy Rhinox Riders


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This game had a very strange feeling to it. First, I discovered that I was playing on the same table that I’d faced Phil’s Dogs of War on in round 3. Okay. I then ended up on the same table side as I had been. Fair enough. Seeing as the result of that first game was fairly positive, I decided that I would try to replicate my success there and deployed in an almost identical fashion, with the key difference being that the Phoenix Guard with both Mages (again using their trusted Beasts magic) went over by the building to make sure that they didn’t get eaten by a dragon or trampled by the Rhinox or shot by the Manflayers, none of which sounded particularly fun. The White Lions aimed themselves at the central wood (the cliché bar stewards) while my Shadow Warriors managed to win the roll off and scout into there, crucially denying the Manflayers such a dominating central position. The Manflayers were thus forced to settle for scouting up the left flank and annihilating the Archers stationed there. Sad Archers.

The Paymaster had once again joined the Rhinox unit, making it twice in my life that I’d seen this done. The Rhinox were quite central, with Asarnil covering their tushes and the Cannon nearby to provide long range incentive for my dragon not to show its face.

My opponent got the first turn. One unit of Light Cavalry on the right flank was shoved forward (they died), while the remainder of mercenaries on that side of the board seemed content to hang back and watch the Wizard Lord throw some Comets around. I used all three of my Dispel Scrolls in quick succession, figuring that the longer I could keep my army alive the more damage it could do before the Comet inevitably came down. It came down in turn 5 I think, killing a couple of Phoenix Guard and half of two Archer units by the building.

On the left flank my Archers were expectedly decimated by the Manflayers, despite the cover I’d deployed them in. However, they managed to survive just long enough to keep the Manflayers in the open and let my dragon divert itself in their direct, flaming them to a tender medium-rare consistency. An ill-timed roll for a terror test next turn and a subsequent ‘chasing’ charge saw them exit the battlefield without causing me further grief. The Star Dragon then went and toasted some Light Cavalry loitering nearby before finishing off the remnants of the Crossbowmen behind the barricade.

In the centre my White Lions had vainly been experimenting with new formations to try and limit Asarnil’s landing zones to stop him hunting my bolt throwers. Amusement ensued when a single unit of my Archers managed to shoot Asarnil himself out of the saddle, leaving just Twinkletoes the dragon to content with. Twinkletoes proved very well behaved though, pausing only long enough to check its master’s pockets for loose change before flying off to burninate the Shadow Warriors and then gobble down a bolt thrower. My shooting had also devastated the other unit of Crossbowmen, and a couple of Duellists and Light Cavalry who were being very insistent about not venturing forth from their rocky hideaway in the far corner.

Oh, and then there was that other thing that happened.

I believe in dice gods. We talk and joke about them like they’re not real, but I know they’re watching. I have a small shrine out in the back garden where I regularly pay homage to them. I don’t imagine them like the new agey religions’ gods: all-powerful, omnipotent and utterly merciless. I like to think of them more along the lines of the old Greek gods, Poseidon and Hades and all the rest, with an air of pettiness and vanity and maybe just a little incest (things were always going to devolve once Daddy Zeus went around disguised as half the animals on board Noah’s Ark and shagging anything that moved). The dice gods are as follows: Ordini, Inuuet, Pakku, Spluzjoni. Together the four of them dictate the lines of fate that us mortals walk (roll) along. They are constantly vying for control, trying to alter reality to suit each of their desires. Ordini is the oldest and strongest, and manages to stave off the others’ attempts to seize power most of the time. He maintains a peaceable balance in the world of six-sided fate cubes and ensures that nothing goes awry. Every once in a while though, one of the others manages to wrest control away from him. Inuuet is a mischievous sprite, she loves to meddle in the affairs of humans and cherishes the moments when we grow through the peril she presents us with. Pakku is similar, though he enjoys watching us scramble for different reasons: if he were a human child he would be the kind to fry ants with his magnifying glass or pull one wing off a fly and watch it buzz around on the floor for a while. He relishes the scent of our panic and our fear as events slip out of our control. Lastly is Spluzjoni, the enigma. His motives cannot be comprehended by our pea-like brains. All we can know is that he revels in chaos. He’s the kind of guy who loves watching things explode, collapse, burn, sink, crumble, electrocute, break, splatter, shrivel, and combust. When your wizard lord explodes, your Snotling kills a dragon or your Warp Lightning Cannon accidentally shoots your Grey Seer from 48” away, you can know for certain that Spluzjoni is in control.

By turn 5 Konstaninos’s Rhinox Riders (with attached Paymaster) had dallied around a bit, killed an Eagle and were eyeing up some Archers. My remaining bolt thrower, with nothing better to shoot at, figured “what the hell” and fired a single bolt at the Rhinox unit. It hit. It randomised. Onto the Paymaster. It wounded. It multiplied into 2 wounds, killing him.

This had the added effect of panicking the Wizard Lord and remaining Light Cavalry off the table.

Even I’ll admit that that was a bit jammy! :D

Twinkletoes the dragon tried to regain some dignity by breathing all over the White Lions, but they remained one model above half and passed their panic test using the Gem of Courage. My own dragon hunted down the Cannon, while my remaining shooting managed to cripple the final unit of enemy Crossbowmen. And that was that.


Result: 19-1 Win.

It should be pointed out that Konstantinos was a very affable fellow, even when the dice turned against him so brutally in the last few turns, and I think he is probably a far better player than the final results indicated (also, from memory I don’t think Dogs of War were his usual army, but I could just be making stuff up now).

I thanked my captain for giving me another Dogs of War matchup (apparently my army likes fighting them – 39/40 points!), and found somewhere nice and quiet(ish) to sit down and relax. The tournament was over.

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (5)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:43 pm

Epilogue: Good night and good luck

Well, no, actually, it wasn’t. There was still loads of packing up to do, stories to regale, beer (yuck) to drink, and awards to be handed out.

As mentioned in the start of the report, in true climax-killing fashion, Team New Zealand finished 14th overall. We were in with a shot for a top 5 finish going into the last round, but the rest of the team sadly couldn’t prevail against the Greek’s tzatziki-fuelled power and we were sent trudging back to mid-field anonymity. Still, I was well pleased with how the weekend’s gaming had panned out. I won five of my six games, had some topsy turvy dice rolls, made some new friends, got to experiment with a new army, made my usual once per tournament UberMistake, and afterwards got to spend far too long writing about it in an infrequently updated battle report. All in a month’s work, really.

Thanks for following the report, as always. It’s a pleasure to see people cheering for the lowly battle report writer, especially when that battle report writer is you. :oops:

I honestly can’t say when I’ll be doing a battle report next. I am having a bit of a hectic time in real life at the moment and had totally forgotten what sort of time commitments are involved in writing these. This certainly won’t be the last you see of me here in this hallowed sub-forum, rest assured, but don’t be surprised if I end up lurking (unseen) in the shadows for a while.


All the best, my little internet buddies!


Bobo

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Bobo the Vampire Monkey
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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (finished)

Postby Bobo the Vampire Monkey » Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:48 pm

Some tail-end photos:


600 gamers do a Mexican wave:

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Bobo gets to shamelessly whore out his magazine and present the Best Painted Army award, to Anton Saturin from Russia:

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Italy comes second overall after a hard-fought struggle at the end:
(look at their captain, Poffo, on the far right - ain't he cute?)
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Denmark claims first place:

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And celebrate with champagne:

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That's all from me, folks. Have a good'un.

Bobo

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Re: Cool Kids Strike First (finished)

Postby great green » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:55 pm

although i don´t play whfb i love to read your reports:) can´t wait to see what happens next :8)
team austria 40k captain


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